The PA Diaries Feat. Magnolia

There is a stigma women in the workforce have grown accustomed to carrying on their shoulders. It has been preached about, it has been shut down, it has raised from the dust, reforming itself to the power figure it once was.

It stands taller than most and holds weight over my shoulders daily. Apologizing for not holding the door open, feeling shame for speaking out loud rather than in the safety of my own head, deciding to take a chance and voice my ideas when I probably should have kept quiet.

I’m sorry.

It is two hands, bigger than mine, gripping my shoulders, shaking my confidence right out of me.

I moved to New York and realized, thanks to my two fierce supervisors, I had to become accustomed to the unknown because it would become my biggest comfort in the end.

The unknown comes with taking chances. It belongs to a society of feelings where you learn to voice your thoughts in a creative community, filled with vulnerable creatives, and essentially, learn to go ‘ballz out’. It means you are forced to take ownership for the ideas you established in your head. 

There’s no need to apologize for that. Instead, there is a need to thank those around you. For stimulating your brain with creative thoughts, for doubting your abilities only to turn around and grip their shoulders explaining, ‘no, this is mine’. 

Apologies are a sign weakness, a vision of defeat.

I don’t like appearing weak, and I definitely am not a fan of defeat.

I sent my dad an email the other day, Billboard’s Women In Music Top 100 Executives list came out, the president of our company, a badass amongst all, made the list. I emailed him the link and told him I would be on that list someday.

There are fierce women in this industry. I’m surrounded by them daily. I want to continue to earn their respect. I want the respect of the women my age, the women ten years older than me, the ones who are thirty years older than me. We see each other. We see a brighter future without self-doubt, without powerlessness, without shame.

This industry won’t go anywhere without us, but then again it could go everywhere without us.

Weakness and defeat don’t deserve a seat in our corner. Fearlessness and strength DO.

It starts with thanking each other and stops with apologizing to those not worthy of making us feel shame.

And I’m on my way.

A few of my favorites from Billboard’s Women In Music  Award show

All Hail Madonna

The Rising Star

The Rule Breaker