My weeks have been filled with routine lately; wake up, go to the gym, make breakfast, go to work, go home, do homework, go to bed.
On certain weekdays, I add a shift at my part time job before work at Superfly.
My schedule is what it is.
That’s what I tell myself.
In reality, I craze routine or some sort, and the anticipation of looking forward to certain rituals each day. I think it is something humans in general, go without too far long, the idea of it seems less or a luxury and more of an inconvenience.
Who needs breakfast? That’s what protein bars on the go are for. Who needs a walk in the park after three meetings in a row? Fresh air isn’t my thing. What’s sleep? I have not gotten the bit of that since my last hangover.
The excuses drag on and so does our inability to gain back control.
Three weeks ago, an iconic and influential woman left this earth to spend the rest of time with my Poppi. As somber as it is, change often makes way for possibilities. I found my change.
I’ll recognize my flaws if it means positive light can shine on my days where it has not shone on before. It’s about damn time some habits in my life take a hike. Going to bed earlier because betting my eyes open and pinching my cheeks isn’t worth it. Laying back on the wine and picking up water instead. Finding the joy in working out to feel better not because there is something wrong with me.
That last one, that one is a long time in the making. It’s ongoing, and it’s the most challenging. Change was never intended to be easy.
I love the word yes. I love to be told yet, I love to say yes. I love the possibilities that can stem from this three-lettered word and the power in instills in a human being.
What I am not a fan of, is being taken advantage of. I’m in a position currently, where yes if preferred, especially when your work ethic has been praised and people recognize strengths. It’s a pat on the back, but it’s a step up for the other person, and guess what, usually I’m the step.
I’m in this limbo currently, with no exact plans for this summer, I’ve been faced with more a whole lot more ‘no’ than I’d like to admit lately. This surprises people, especially after coming off of a year and a half of working, but reality is a force that makes it’s presence when we don’t expect it.
Breathing in, breathing out. Letting fresh air into my life where it was polluted before.
This is where that limbo I mentioned comes into play. Maybe it’s time I take a small break. Do I want to? Not really. I would much rather be working. But I firmly believe there is knowledge to be gained in time spent working on myself, and not amidst the distraction of a day-to-day exhausting schedule, but one that allows more focus for self.
What if all this time working leads to great achievement but a wandering soul? What good could come of that? But, what greatness could come from time spent wandering without much of any plan?
My brain wants structure, but sometimes, the soul plays tricks on the brain, leaning toward a path not clearly defined. A path filled with challenging personal thoughts, beliefs, and structure.
And like I mentioned, who ever enters a challenge with the intentions of it being easy?